Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
