I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
