I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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