I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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