your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
