they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
