mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
