I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
