My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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