I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he shaved USA in his pubs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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