Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i now understand why vodka
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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