This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
