I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
