end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
