You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
