Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize