You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
