My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Randomize
