Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
