): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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