you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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