for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this boner is exhausting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
