Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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