she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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