You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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