Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
