Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
