He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
