Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
