Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
