You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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