Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am mentally ready for anal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
