Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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