We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
