Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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