I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
