dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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