you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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