You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize