it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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