My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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