seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
