he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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