i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
