ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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