If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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