he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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