none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
