Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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