Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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