even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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