Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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