Its about making memories worth repressing
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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