Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
