You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
