$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
