but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
