he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
