I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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