Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
