great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
