I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
