Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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