Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
