I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
