I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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